Towards a non-oppressive lexicon Vol. 1: Gender slurs

This is the first in what I hope is a continuing series investigating language’s subtle role in oppression and working to move away from that.

Popular American culture is continually lowering the bar for communication in favor of being able to colloquially describe our daily lives by stringing together meaningless combinations of expletives and nonsense such as, “Damn, that shit was dope.”

This transcends minor annoyance into the realm of constant but subtly oppressive behavior when the inability to articulate oneself combines with not-so-trivial problems like homophobia, patriarchy, and racism.

Any male knows that, regardless of your sexual orientation, the worst insult that could be exacted upon you when you were growing up was being called “gay” or a “pussy.” You’ve probably seen people accuse others of “bitching too much” or heard someone called a “retard” when they were acting foolishly.

Using slurs as socially acceptable descriptors continues the constant background noise of oppression and desensitizes us to the power that words hold. However, understand that merely adjusting your speech patterns does very little to make you an ally. It’s a good start, but being articulate obviously does not smash patriarchy or end racism.

Being non-oppressive is very different from being actively anti-oppressive.

It would be of great benefit to everyone to do much more reading on these topics as there are many resources available to those who would seek to be allies.

Consider this simply the opposite of Urban Dictionary, a potential jumping-off point, and nothing more.

What was said...:
balls: (1) adj. Courage or bravery. (2a) adj. Manliness.
(2b) adj. Boldly aggressive
or competitive.*

Try this instead...
This term links more or less desirable traits (courage, confidence, a competitive nature) intrinsically with male genitalia. If you’re stuck on describing courage with organs, try backbone, guts, heart, or nerve. Otherwise: (1) Audacious, brave, confident, daring, determined, fearless, spirited. (2b) Bellicose, combative, destructive, offensive, threatening.

What was said...:
bitch: (1) v. To complain
excessively. (2) n. A malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman.* (3) n. Something that is extremely
difficult, objectionable,
or unpleasant.*

Try this instead...
(1) Bemoan, complain, disagree, disapprove, dissent, gripe, groan, grumble, lament, object,
oppose, protest, wail, whine. (2) Address individual behavior itself as opposed to attributing
it to a person’s gender. (3) Arduous, bothersome, demanding, distasteful, exacting,
irritating, repulsive, strenuous, troublesome,
yucky.

What was said...:
douche bag: (1) n. or adj. An extravagantly self-important,
arrogant, cruel, or otherwise intolerable person.

Try this instead...
While many appreciate douche bag being used in this manner because of its long history
of making women feel bad about their bodies (to quote the Vagina Monologues, “My vagina doesn’t need to be cleaned up. It smells good already!”), it’s still a gendered slur. (1) Arrogant, asshole, bogus, conceited, egomaniac, fool, loser, phony, pompous, pretentious,
smug, tool, vain.

What was said...:
girl(s): (1) n. A woman/women. (2) n. Derogatory insult for men.

Try this instead...
(1) Consider the infantalization here. It’s guys and gals or boys and girls. Unless the person you’re speaking about is less than 13 years old, try woman, lady, their name, or leave out this descriptor entirely. (2) Patriarchal
culture is clearly seen here when calling a man a girl is a common insult but calling a woman a boy is not particularly common or insulting (until we deal with homophobia
and fear of all that deviates from social beauty norms). To insult men, try calling them men.

What was said...:
guys: (1) n. Used colloquially
to describe any gathering
of people regardless of gender variance.

Try this instead...
(1) Unless in the company of solely one gender,
use gender-neutral groupings such as: Companions, comrades, folks, friends, pals, peeps, or y’all.

What was said...:
pussy: (1a) n. A coward. (1b) v. To act in cowardice.

Try this instead...
The opposite of “balls” and demonstrative of patriarchy, an undesirable trait (cowardice) is linked intrinsically with female genitalia. (1) Coward, deserter, gutless, pathetic, timid, turncoat, weak, weak-hearted.